You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
