Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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