Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bring me that man meat
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
