her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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