Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
