I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
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I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry about my life...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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