Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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