yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
