Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
