So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
