this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can I color on your dick again?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
