what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
