He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
