Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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