oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
