I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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