ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
