He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
