No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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