apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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