why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
