I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
