literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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