I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
