as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
