dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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