nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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