im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
