ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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