Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
how does that bad decision feel?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
