I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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