bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
