He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
