Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
