So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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