New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
