exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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