dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
