I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
