after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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