Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
