Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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