they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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