Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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