oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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