Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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