I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
