Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
