i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
