I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
