O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
