if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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