Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My life is pants optional.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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