I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize