Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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