I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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