if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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