You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
