The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
