Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
wow bdsm is so cute
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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