Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
