Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
