Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm like, not good at living.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
