Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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