There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
