YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
